A quote from Goat Jeff: “Effortless.”
In my 21 years of life, my favorite movies have taught me that we will always have the ending that we hope for. That even when the man is a beast and his life is on the line, he will find love in the last moments to keep him alive, completing the perfect love story. Or even when the beauty is in a deep sleep, prince charming will wake her with true love's kiss, giving them the happily ever after that we all would love to have. Long story short, after time reflecting, I understand that measuring my love life and happiness based on these principles would bring me nothing but hurt and heartbreak. I think it is only right to give you a look into my life where this all started... freshmen year of highschool.
As the most popular guy in the freshman class, being on homecoming court, winter formal court, football team captain, and track star, it was only right that I had the “love of my life” by my side, Jane Doe. This was the same girl that I was fighting for 2 years prior. The same girl that I would give an arm and a leg to be with. The same girl that I gave up all my friends for. The same girl that I would want to die for. This was a girl that I bowed down to and idolized. She is my everything, well she was my everything until we broke up.
When Jane left, not only did my heart leave, but my motivation left, my appetite left, my common sense left, pretty much I left planet earth and was nowhere to be found. My life was dropping as fast as my weight was from not eating. I was told that time heals all wounds and in this case, it took years for this to be healed. Years of being sad, years of forcing toxic relationships with other people, and years of not caring about anything. Time took its time, and 4 years later, sophomore year of college I finally found true happin
Wait, wait. As you read this, do you see any issues with this story? Is there something that seems off to you? I’m almost a page in and have yet to mention the name of my lord and savior, Jesus Christ, and that is the issue. Through these years of trying to get back on my feet and make sense of everything, I tried every resource on this earth to feel better, but in this, I failed to remember that God is not of this earth, but of something greater, that being true love.
Without God, there is only an astonishing lack of discernment. Not realizing how much I needed God, I began to play god myself. Forcing any relationship that gave me a taste of joy. I was young when Jane and I broke up, but no matter the age, the first one will forever cut the deepest. Afterwards, I never took the time to stop and think because the Bible does refer to life as a mist. Therefore, I had no time to waste time. I basically became a mediocre basketball player or in other words, shooting 1000 shots from deep, hoping that at least 1, maybe 2 would go in. This is the kind of mindset that “happy” Mitchell had. With this point being made, I think it is time we address the “why” of this all.
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A quote from me: “One of the hardest things to accept as a Christian is that God’s calendar does not look anything like the one in our heads. Us having a ring by spring or moving to that beautiful state after we graduate may not take place.”
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The reason why I did not seek God through the process and journey was because with him, the RIGHT decisions would be made and let's be real. The RIGHT decisions meant discernment. Discernment meant patience. Patience meant I was going to be single and I needed to stop forcing love. In my life, I have lacked the height, speed, and even the looks, but nothing compares to my lack of discernment through this 4 year process. My heartbreak and eagerness to find love and happiness created poor judgments which led to a never ending loop of misery. In all honesty, God’s timing was the best option but I prefered to be on my own time. This required lacking discernment and hoping things turned out okay. At Least I would have an answer and a result the next day instead of waiting for God’s results. Whenever that would be. Long story short, I literally sucked so bad, BUT the blood of Jesussss. We all know how good God is <3
Even with my pride driven, idiodic, arrogant, stupid mindset, God’s grace was able to stop that never ending loop, giving me no choice but to seek him and his love. Sophomore year of college, I mistaken my brokenness for happiness. I was tired of battling and fighting alone. I was so exhausted from my bad choices that I naturally leaned to catch my breath, not realizing I finally for the first time was leaning on God. This allowed me to not only catch my breath but see everything under a new light and perspective. This made me seek friendships before relationships. This made me pray when in times of discomfort and confusion. This made me a whole new person. And last but not least, with God, this made me have discernment to look myself in the mirror and say, “Dude. You need to work on ya self. You are not ready for anything so don’t be stupid and force anything...”
Keep it real,
Mitchell Canada
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